Faking It

It was October! Which means Halloween and scary Fall themes. My grasp on what encompasses Halloween Music is incredibly varied... Black Magic by Little Mix Red Right Hand by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds This is Halloween from The Nightmare Before Christmas Confident by Demi Lovato Cake by the Ocean by DNCE The Ever After Album by Marianas Trench Hamilton: Original Broadway Cast Recording Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon Monster by Kanye West Thriller by Michael Jackson Somebody's Watching Me by Rockwell Pet Sematary by The Ramones Season of the Witch by Donovan I Put A Spell on You by Screamin' Jay Hawkins On My Mind by Ellie Goulding Sorry by Justin Bieber (don't give me any crap, it says "other writings" in the title)

Two weeks ago, my stapler broke. And I couldn't figure out how to put it back together. But I tried. In the meantime, I borrowed a coworker's stapler. I broke it. I'm a stapler serial killer. The worst part though, is that I just put it back on their desk and never mentioned it... until now. Confession: I do stuff like that a lot. I break things and try to hide it like a six-year-old. I forget how to use things that I use all the time. I'm a bit of a hot mess. I say hot, because I always look good while ruining everything. But here's one thing I won't do! I had this conversation with my pal, and he said that when he sees the dog has pooped on the floor, he'll put a tissue over it and leave it for someone else to clean up. What a dick move! I would never do that! I would walk out and pretend I hadn't seen it altogether and leave it for someone else to clean up. Once you put a tissue over it, they know you know it's there, and they kn...

I am not... ...blessed with a carefree personality. I want people to think I have that, but what I really have is a very anxious, argumentative personality. ...delicate. In my person or speech. I'm not fragile and if I have something to say to you I'm not going to tear you down, but I'm not going to tip toe around it. I want everyone to know exactly what I think about them. ...quiet. I spend most of my time thinking about or analyzing things, people, conversations, but if I'm not talking there's a reason and you don't want to push me to find out what it is. ...tidy. I'm looking at three laundry baskets full of clean clothes that will never be folded and returned to their appropriate place. It's ridiculous, but it's never going to happen. ...going to lie to myself. About the laundry. Or anything else. The social sciences training in me looks for excuses, motivations, reasons, but none of it matters. It's not up to me to justify or explai...

I made things awkward at a bar this weekend. It's really just a matter of time when you take me outside, but this one was all my fault because I don't go along to get along. Never have, never will, couldn't even if I cared about what anyone thought about me. Confession: I don't like to be touched by strangers. That's right! I said it! Even though literally all of you went, "no one does!" you wished you immediately could take it back because everywhere you go, there's always some rando that's like let me put my hand on your shoulder, let me reach down and feel your awesome velvet boots, let me get right up in there and whisper in your ear. The world is full of creepy people who don't even know they're being creepy! Well, I'm here to tell you, strangers of the world, to knock it off. There are social norms that include not standing immediately behind me in line so that I can feel your breath on my neck. I've turned into that p...