Faking It

It was October! Which means Halloween and scary Fall themes. My grasp on what encompasses Halloween Music is incredibly varied... Black Magic by Little Mix Red Right Hand by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds This is Halloween from The Nightmare Before Christmas Confident by Demi Lovato Cake by the Ocean by DNCE The Ever After Album by Marianas Trench Hamilton: Original Broadway Cast Recording Werewolves of London by Warren Zevon Monster by Kanye West Thriller by Michael Jackson Somebody's Watching Me by Rockwell Pet Sematary by The Ramones Season of the Witch by Donovan I Put A Spell on You by Screamin' Jay Hawkins On My Mind by Ellie Goulding Sorry by Justin Bieber (don't give me any crap, it says "other writings" in the title)

Two weeks ago, my stapler broke. And I couldn't figure out how to put it back together. But I tried. In the meantime, I borrowed a coworker's stapler. I broke it. I'm a stapler serial killer. The worst part though, is that I just put it back on their desk and never mentioned it... until now. Confession: I do stuff like that a lot. I break things and try to hide it like a six-year-old. I forget how to use things that I use all the time. I'm a bit of a hot mess. I say hot, because I always look good while ruining everything. But here's one thing I won't do! I had this conversation with my pal, and he said that when he sees the dog has pooped on the floor, he'll put a tissue over it and leave it for someone else to clean up. What a dick move! I would never do that! I would walk out and pretend I hadn't seen it altogether and leave it for someone else to clean up. Once you put a tissue over it, they know you know it's there, and they kn...

I am not... ...blessed with a carefree personality. I want people to think I have that, but what I really have is a very anxious, argumentative personality. ...delicate. In my person or speech. I'm not fragile and if I have something to say to you I'm not going to tear you down, but I'm not going to tip toe around it. I want everyone to know exactly what I think about them. ...quiet. I spend most of my time thinking about or analyzing things, people, conversations, but if I'm not talking there's a reason and you don't want to push me to find out what it is. ...tidy. I'm looking at three laundry baskets full of clean clothes that will never be folded and returned to their appropriate place. It's ridiculous, but it's never going to happen. ...going to lie to myself. About the laundry. Or anything else. The social sciences training in me looks for excuses, motivations, reasons, but none of it matters. It's not up to me to justify or explai...

I made things awkward at a bar this weekend. It's really just a matter of time when you take me outside, but this one was all my fault because I don't go along to get along. Never have, never will, couldn't even if I cared about what anyone thought about me. Confession: I don't like to be touched by strangers. That's right! I said it! Even though literally all of you went, "no one does!" you wished you immediately could take it back because everywhere you go, there's always some rando that's like let me put my hand on your shoulder, let me reach down and feel your awesome velvet boots, let me get right up in there and whisper in your ear. The world is full of creepy people who don't even know they're being creepy! Well, I'm here to tell you, strangers of the world, to knock it off. There are social norms that include not standing immediately behind me in line so that I can feel your breath on my neck. I've turned into that p...

I don't really have any superstitions, I just don't think the world works that way. But we're doing Macbeth next season and I know some of my friends who read this blog just cringed because I wrote the name and you can't even write the name! Don't say it, don't think it, don't write it, don't even breathe!! Because it's cursed and you'll have to do some sort of dance or spit in all directions of the wind while wearing puka shells and throwing yourself into oncoming traffic to get rid of the curse that comes from the Scottish play.  But there is this thing that I started doing in high school that I still do for no reason at all. At this point it's like a weird reflex. So in high school, when me and my friends would be out driving around if we went through a yellow light we would kiss our hands and slap the roof. I know one of us started it and eventually all of us did it, but I'm sure I'm the only holdout (read: loser) who sti...

Today is my dear friend Monica's birthday!! She is my friend that I've known the longest in my life and I'm hers. Isn't that weird? We met in Junior High, we were pals, besties in high school, kept in touch in college, and I will always consider her one of my best friends. And today's her birthday!! We're not just friends because at this point we both know too much, but because she's one my favorite people ever. She's hilarious and fun, she's smart and talented, she's gorgeous and has amazing taste in jewelry, even better taste in men because I adore her husband (super rare tbh), and I just love being around her. Mindy Kaling said it best when she said that, "best friend isn't a person, it's a tier" and lucky me, I have so many amazing people on that tier these days. These people stick around through the best and worst points in my life and my first confession of the day is that I don't let them in the way I should and I...

For the most part, I love being a vegetarian. It was a good decision for me. In saying this, I don't care what other people eat which could possibly make me the worst vegetarian in the world. But what really makes me the worst is that if the only thing to eat is pepperoni pizza, I'll pick the pepperoni off. Or the fact that I cook meals for people with meat in them because I would never force anyone to eat vegetarian who didn't want to. But there are some things about being a vegetarian that really suck. Confession: I feel like a nuisance at every single event ever. Going to any event as a vegetarian really sucks. I'm a very good guest. I'm very polite and I try not to make life harder for the host. And as much as I love to make a scene (and boy do I), I hate when it's about how I'm not eating anything. I have to hoard the single vegetarian item because even though everyone can eat both varieties of Spring rolls, I can only eat the vegetarian kind so q...