A Chair is Still a Chair...
I've been wondering since I got back to El Paso; what makes somewhere home?
For the past 6 months I've been living in El Paso. I've learned my way around the city--I actually like the city! I'm counting on El Paso to get me through the most excruciating, awful, painful, life-altering, beautiful, thrilling, add your own adjective from both ends of the spectrum, and exciting time of my life.
While I have new goals for myself, my career, my life--getting to this point has been my focus for so long. It's literally a dream realized and I know I made a great choice.
But then I went back to Phoenix for Christmas. My family lives there. I love my family. Wherever they are I will always have a home and that makes me lucky because that's more rare than people realize.
I saw a lot of my friends while I was there and even though I don't have many friends in El Paso I don't think people make a place home. There are some friends I've had for years and we'll be friends for years to come. But I left a group of people years ago and I don't miss them. We keep in touch but we've grown apart and that's ok, it's supposed to happen.
So friends don't make a home.
But Phoenix is my city. I grew up there. I did all my education there. I know my way around, which I thought would leave as soon as I moved because all my friends who left forgot where everything was and my sister who moved to Tucson forgot where things were; maybe because I learned to drive there and did so for 8 years...
Or maybe Phoenix is me.
But after a while I couldn't wait to get back to El Paso. But mostly because all my stuff is here. My own bed, all my clothes, all my stuff. But stuff doesn't make a place a home. I've bought stuff for the apartment, I have a wishlist of things I need to buy for the apartment, but if someone broke in and stole it all that would be ok. It's just stuff.
So stuff technically makes a place your home, but does it anchor you to a place and make it home?
I got back into El Paso and set out the next day to pick up my laptop that had been at a Best Buy for virus removal for 3 weeks, and my bridesmaids dress for Morgan's wedding. When I first moved here I didn't leave the apartment for 1 week. But I know where I am now. I know where I'm going, and more importantly, how to get back.
And while I recognized El Paso, and the view of Juarez, it felt different than it did before the break. And while I just jumped right back into school and I'm settling in again, I guess I hate the disruption.
"A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sitting there. But a chair is not a house, and a house is not a home."
Maybe it doesn't even matter. I live here now. I've never lived somewhere that wasn't permanent and I have no plans of staying here. But I also might not move back to Phoenix, so what does it take to make a place home?
For the past 6 months I've been living in El Paso. I've learned my way around the city--I actually like the city! I'm counting on El Paso to get me through the most excruciating, awful, painful, life-altering, beautiful, thrilling, add your own adjective from both ends of the spectrum, and exciting time of my life.
While I have new goals for myself, my career, my life--getting to this point has been my focus for so long. It's literally a dream realized and I know I made a great choice.
But then I went back to Phoenix for Christmas. My family lives there. I love my family. Wherever they are I will always have a home and that makes me lucky because that's more rare than people realize.
I saw a lot of my friends while I was there and even though I don't have many friends in El Paso I don't think people make a place home. There are some friends I've had for years and we'll be friends for years to come. But I left a group of people years ago and I don't miss them. We keep in touch but we've grown apart and that's ok, it's supposed to happen.
So friends don't make a home.
But Phoenix is my city. I grew up there. I did all my education there. I know my way around, which I thought would leave as soon as I moved because all my friends who left forgot where everything was and my sister who moved to Tucson forgot where things were; maybe because I learned to drive there and did so for 8 years...
Or maybe Phoenix is me.
But after a while I couldn't wait to get back to El Paso. But mostly because all my stuff is here. My own bed, all my clothes, all my stuff. But stuff doesn't make a place a home. I've bought stuff for the apartment, I have a wishlist of things I need to buy for the apartment, but if someone broke in and stole it all that would be ok. It's just stuff.
So stuff technically makes a place your home, but does it anchor you to a place and make it home?
I got back into El Paso and set out the next day to pick up my laptop that had been at a Best Buy for virus removal for 3 weeks, and my bridesmaids dress for Morgan's wedding. When I first moved here I didn't leave the apartment for 1 week. But I know where I am now. I know where I'm going, and more importantly, how to get back.
And while I recognized El Paso, and the view of Juarez, it felt different than it did before the break. And while I just jumped right back into school and I'm settling in again, I guess I hate the disruption.
"A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sitting there. But a chair is not a house, and a house is not a home."
Maybe it doesn't even matter. I live here now. I've never lived somewhere that wasn't permanent and I have no plans of staying here. But I also might not move back to Phoenix, so what does it take to make a place home?
An Erin! Specifically of the O'Connor kind.
ReplyDeleteI was talking to some people I had never met on Monday night. Their daughter had been in a horrible car accident on Friday afternoon and will spend the next several months in the hospital as a result of her injuries. So they flew in from Cleveland and had all their stuff smashed into a corner of the ICU waiting room and were sleeping on egg crate rolls on the floor with quilts. And as the dad talked about it, I mentioned that it must be so hard to be so far from home. His response said, "Well all our kids are here, so this is home." And he gestured to the waiting room floor. Stuck with me.
ReplyDelete