Miami Day 2: Grateful.
It was way harder to get up this morning than it was yesterday.
But we managed and made it to the hotel in plenty of time for the first talk. My advisor Jennifer is on a committee for Professional Women and helped to organize a talk from Karen Wyche about how to balance having a personal life with having a professional life and I found her very professional and inspiring. It was wonderful and I want to be involved in this group. It's something Jennifer's looking into at the moment, this new phenomenon where women comprise the student section of AP-LS and the intro professor jobs but are rarely seen in the higher tenure track positions and she's looking into why that is. Why are less women sticking it out? What's happening to make them leave their careers or stay stagnant?
Even after my first year, I'm positive that 1) this is exactly what I want from my life, and b) no way is anyone making me quit. Ever.
I'm fortunate to have Jennifer as a mentor. We went to a couple of the same talks today and she introduced me to a bunch of people, and by a bunch I mean a whole heck of a lot of important people.
One of whom is Daryl Kroner, who I know as the coffee can guy, and offered me the student position in the Corrections section of AP-LS and the opportunity to analyze some data he has lying around. And he's from Sherwood Park in Edmonton, which is where I'm from...bizarre!!
And because of the networking, I missed a few of the talks I had outlined for myself. And I'm so glad! This is what the conference is! It certainly is about seeing new research and hearing about what's happening in my field, but a huge part is networking and it's worked out so far. Who knows how all this will work out?! But I have my first involvement into AP-LS, a new collaborator and I'm thrilled!!
THRILLED!!
It's my professional career, and the biggest part of my life!
I'm just having such a great time here, I really am.
After all the talks, there was a bit of a break and the girls and I walked around downtown where I bought a Miami mug for my collection and found a sushi place for dinner before heading to a retirement party for one of our professors. It was a very nice party, a great turnout for a legend in the field, and I'm so glad to be counted among the people who have met him, worked with him, been apart of this legendary moment in Legal Psychology.
And people talked, and I was composed until he talked. He didn't lose it, although his voice broke a few times as he said what he would miss were the graduate students. How being forced to stay sharp because of us, because of what we do, and how we demand and inspire the best from our mentors and advisors and it's either being up on the research or suicide. And I cried.
He's had the career we all aspire to; that I am working towards. Right now. And it's over. I know retirement is a choice, and definitely a good one, but it's final. It is. What once was is over. It's tragic in it's way.
But it's my honor to know him and to study under him while I have the chance and I honestly will be more grateful in the future.
So glad to hear you are loving this time, inspired and content at working toward your future! It's great to know you have found what you are made for.
ReplyDeleteDo you think a lot of women don't "stick it out" because it is tough to strike a balance between a demanding career and a family (also a demanding career)? Can we as women really have it all? Or are there sacrifices that have to made to the job or the marriage and kids?
That's a great observation and exactly what we're thinking, among other things hopefully, we'll see is happening which is, frankly, disappointing. I have a lot of respect for women who have children and deciding to stay at home is a personal choice that I don't understand but everyone has to make their own decisions.
ReplyDeleteIt's a job to balance any career with any kind of personal life but I think 1) it depends on how we define "having it all", and b) women can have it all meaning career and family. It's been done. It'll be done again.
Personally, I have no desire to have children, and granted that could be because I'm not in a relationship but when I look into my future, I'm a Psychologist. That's it. If I had kids I would want to be there for them, but I love what I do and it actually pains me to think about detracting attention from it. And that's just me. But because I don't want to be someone's wife, someone's mother, do I not have it all; does it make me less of a woman?
All men, even men who believe in equality and value the women in their lives, both personally and professionally, believe and act out stereotypical gender roles. In Psychology, women are more likely to be advisers, club leaders, counselors, where men are more likely to get grants, lead labs, and advance in their careers because they get funded and published where women take on more 'nurturing' or stereotypic female roles. Partly because women don't say no but men won't say yes.
And we expect women to make sacrifices for their families. Why don't we have these same expectations for men? Why is it one or no one? There's something to be said for the relationship between a mother and the life she supports inside her body that men will never understand or have with their children and for that reason, they should work that much harder to be involved in their lives every second. For that reason, they should want to take responsibility for enjoying their families and engaging their children and balancing their careers with their families. But we still expect women to make up the family and to sacrifice their independence in their careers alone.
I'm not saying no one has to sacrifice, because maybe you can't have a full career and a full family life although I would argue you can if you have a partner who is as committed to both work and family equally.
Women can have it all, but it's what we want, when we want it, exactly how we want it, and as easy as possible. But if it's something worth having, it's probably worth working for.
That's what I think anyway.
This is an ongoing conversation. I think striking a balance that works for you and your family is what is most important.
ReplyDeleteYour confidence and certainty about where you are now and where you are going is something I admire. Don't ever give that up!
I completely agree with you--it's definitely personal choice, what my problem is is when everyone believes there's only one personal choice and pushes it on everyone else. But you're right, it's an ongoing conversation. And it should be!
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