Confessions of a Cry Baby
At our end of year banquet in high school we had a slide show of the seniors with superlatives. All the things our classmates thought of us, saw us doing and being in the future. Mine was, "Most Likely to Cry During this Slideshow."
They were right. I was crying at that very moment.
I'm very in touch with my emotions. They've always sat right at the surface.
Until a few years ago. Life changed and I cried a lot for a few weeks. Then I realized it wasn't helping anything. Not only was it doing me no good, it was preventing me from living my life. I couldn't leave my house because I was afraid I'd start to cry. Sometimes it would be happening without me realizing it. It was dark times, that's true, but I'd had enough.
I decided I wouldn't cry anymore. And I didn't. For a whole year. Nothing broke me. Nothing. Even truly tragic things. I was inhuman. I've given myself a few allowances since then, now that I've got a better grip on myself, but I'm still really good at holding it in. Except on a few occasions.
Confession: I always cry when I see Santa Claus during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Two things are happening here. Happiness and embarrassment. I initially cry because I'm so happy to see Santa! I love Santa! I always have! And he goes all the way to New York every Thanksgiving to tell the world that Christmas is coming. It's such a magical moment!
Then I realize I'm so happy that I've started to cry and I get so embarrassed because I'm a grown up, usually still in my pajamas, crying because Santa Claus is coming to town. And I start to cry more, except now it's out of shame. And I hope my family can't see that I'm sobbing while watching Santa and his reindeer drive by Macy's, but they do. How could they not?
Plus, it's been happening for a long time. Maybe my whole life. Of course they know.
Regardless, I start to laugh because I'm ridiculous, and I start to cry more, then I'm more embarrassed, and then I cry more. It's a vicious, vicious cycle of competing emotions for the all too brief moments he's actually on camera.
Every. Damn. Year.
Let's hear it. Confess. What makes you cry? Also. Does anyone else in the world love Santa that much?! Because I don't want to falsely claim that I love him most, but come on...
They were right. I was crying at that very moment.
I'm very in touch with my emotions. They've always sat right at the surface.
Until a few years ago. Life changed and I cried a lot for a few weeks. Then I realized it wasn't helping anything. Not only was it doing me no good, it was preventing me from living my life. I couldn't leave my house because I was afraid I'd start to cry. Sometimes it would be happening without me realizing it. It was dark times, that's true, but I'd had enough.
I decided I wouldn't cry anymore. And I didn't. For a whole year. Nothing broke me. Nothing. Even truly tragic things. I was inhuman. I've given myself a few allowances since then, now that I've got a better grip on myself, but I'm still really good at holding it in. Except on a few occasions.
Confession: I always cry when I see Santa Claus during the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.
Two things are happening here. Happiness and embarrassment. I initially cry because I'm so happy to see Santa! I love Santa! I always have! And he goes all the way to New York every Thanksgiving to tell the world that Christmas is coming. It's such a magical moment!
Then I realize I'm so happy that I've started to cry and I get so embarrassed because I'm a grown up, usually still in my pajamas, crying because Santa Claus is coming to town. And I start to cry more, except now it's out of shame. And I hope my family can't see that I'm sobbing while watching Santa and his reindeer drive by Macy's, but they do. How could they not?
Plus, it's been happening for a long time. Maybe my whole life. Of course they know.
Regardless, I start to laugh because I'm ridiculous, and I start to cry more, then I'm more embarrassed, and then I cry more. It's a vicious, vicious cycle of competing emotions for the all too brief moments he's actually on camera.
Every. Damn. Year.
Let's hear it. Confess. What makes you cry? Also. Does anyone else in the world love Santa that much?! Because I don't want to falsely claim that I love him most, but come on...
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