Sharkfession
I'm terrified of sharks, which is a real thing to be afraid of. However, in my case, it's probably unwarranted, and by probably I mean, it's completely unwarranted. I wish I knew how and when it started; I feel like it was one of two things. Either going to see educational IMAX movies or trying to watch Jaws when I was 13.
I'd never seen a shark in real life until we went to Sea World and I was forced to walk through that horrible shark tunnel that they have which is enough to scare the crap out of anyone. Seriously? Whose idea was that? Because I also saw Free Willy so I know how thin your glass is Sea World. But I've never been out in the ocean and had a near miss with a shark. I've never even seen one from the deck of a boat. I don't live near any bodies of water. I've lived my entire life, more or less, in the center of two different countries.
And yet. Not only do I have a fear of sharks, I have a totally irrational fear of sharks.
Confession: Fear of sharks keeps me from doing normal water related things.
I can't always go swimming because of pool sharks. Sharks in the pool. If it's murky in there, I'm not getting in because I don't how many sharks got in my backyard or the Y and I just can't risk it. If it's dark outside aka the night swim, totally terrifying! You can only see by the glow of the one light in most outdoor pools and what if the shark is waiting on the other side in the darkness?
One day I realized I was scared to be in a bathtub with bubbles. I can't see under the bubbles, what if a shark comes through the drain to get me? Later that same summer, when this fear spiraled into something that was probably diagnosable, I closed my eyes in the shower, saw a shark come flying through the air at me in my mind and had a pretty decent beginners panic attack. In the shower. I was afraid of sharks in the shower.
I can't even include a picture of one here or I'll freak out! What if it comes through the screen at me?! Like every other 98 year old man, I like to read the news and sometimes there'll be a report about a shark attack, but I have to work myself up to click the link in case there's a picture. During the SNL 40 year celebration, Bill Murray sang the Jaws theme song and I had to stop watching because the clip from the movie being played over and over again was stressing me out.
Speaking of, every now and then I have stress dreams, and they're always the same. If I'm worried about something or have a deadline coming up or am just feeling out of sorts, I dream that I'm in the ocean treading water surrounded by sharks and one finally attacks me dragging me down and I can feel myself being swallowed by it as all the teeth tear into my legs but I never die. I just experience it all. I'm usually trapped in this dream too, I either have to force myself to wake up or finally realize there's water in my mouth (???) and wake up. And then I have to turn on the lights to convince myself I'm not on a raft.
Suffice it to say, I don't watch Shark Week. But Sharknado is somehow one of the best movies ever made. Ever. I hope they make one every year.
How irrational are your fears? Any that kicked down the door and took over like mine? It's Confession Tuesday! Tell us what you're afraid of!!
I'd never seen a shark in real life until we went to Sea World and I was forced to walk through that horrible shark tunnel that they have which is enough to scare the crap out of anyone. Seriously? Whose idea was that? Because I also saw Free Willy so I know how thin your glass is Sea World. But I've never been out in the ocean and had a near miss with a shark. I've never even seen one from the deck of a boat. I don't live near any bodies of water. I've lived my entire life, more or less, in the center of two different countries.
And yet. Not only do I have a fear of sharks, I have a totally irrational fear of sharks.
Confession: Fear of sharks keeps me from doing normal water related things.
I can't always go swimming because of pool sharks. Sharks in the pool. If it's murky in there, I'm not getting in because I don't how many sharks got in my backyard or the Y and I just can't risk it. If it's dark outside aka the night swim, totally terrifying! You can only see by the glow of the one light in most outdoor pools and what if the shark is waiting on the other side in the darkness?
One day I realized I was scared to be in a bathtub with bubbles. I can't see under the bubbles, what if a shark comes through the drain to get me? Later that same summer, when this fear spiraled into something that was probably diagnosable, I closed my eyes in the shower, saw a shark come flying through the air at me in my mind and had a pretty decent beginners panic attack. In the shower. I was afraid of sharks in the shower.
I can't even include a picture of one here or I'll freak out! What if it comes through the screen at me?! Like every other 98 year old man, I like to read the news and sometimes there'll be a report about a shark attack, but I have to work myself up to click the link in case there's a picture. During the SNL 40 year celebration, Bill Murray sang the Jaws theme song and I had to stop watching because the clip from the movie being played over and over again was stressing me out.
Speaking of, every now and then I have stress dreams, and they're always the same. If I'm worried about something or have a deadline coming up or am just feeling out of sorts, I dream that I'm in the ocean treading water surrounded by sharks and one finally attacks me dragging me down and I can feel myself being swallowed by it as all the teeth tear into my legs but I never die. I just experience it all. I'm usually trapped in this dream too, I either have to force myself to wake up or finally realize there's water in my mouth (???) and wake up. And then I have to turn on the lights to convince myself I'm not on a raft.
Suffice it to say, I don't watch Shark Week. But Sharknado is somehow one of the best movies ever made. Ever. I hope they make one every year.
How irrational are your fears? Any that kicked down the door and took over like mine? It's Confession Tuesday! Tell us what you're afraid of!!
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