Is It Bad If I Say, 'No?'
Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting is not a feminist.* She's another in a long list of celebrities who was asked in 2014, the year of the feminist, if she is a feminist. And turns out, she's not. She's not the only one, but unfortunately her interview is on my mind. When asked, "are you a feminist?" she replied saying, "is it bad if I say, 'no?'"
I'd like to say that it's ok, live and let live. But you know what? It's not ok. And NOT because people aren't entitled to their own opinions or allowed to refuse to label themselves. I find her reasons for not being a feminist unacceptable and I'd like to disagree and discuss. So, here we go.
"It's not really something I think about." It is not ok to say that it's not something you think about. What kind of life have you lead, I wonder, to never ever, not once, consider what it means to be a woman. What it means to be a working woman, a female student, a woman of a certain race, a sister, a friend to other women, a friend to men, a wife, a mother, a woman in her 20s, 30s, 70s, a mentor to other women, a mentor to men? Do you never wonder what it is to be a human being and why that isn't the same for everyone? Because that's what feminism is, plain and simple. Equality. For everyone.
It really bothers me that people wander through life with blinders. There are so many horrible, unspeakable, wonderful, amazing, incredible things that happen to human beings. How do you not notice any of it? The good and the bad? How do you not think about it?
"I was never that feminist girl demanding equality, but maybe that's because I've never really faced inequality." It is not ok to say that equality isn't something you want to see exist because you've never experienced inequality. That's fantastic, frankly. It really is, no one should have to experience inequality in any shape or form and to hear some people haven't is great. It's also incredibly hard to believe just based on statistics. Boys garner more attention from teachers in school. Women are underrepresented in Congress and at the top of corporate jobs. Do teenage boys learn that they have to strategize about where they park? Nearly 293, 000 people report sexual assault every year.
2014 was a year that saw the pay difference between men and women brilliantly exposed by Sony hackers who revealed that Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams were payed significantly less than their male coworkers. This is a problem that has faced women since they began working, and this is a problem that is pretty specific to Cuoco-Sweeting who works in both t.v. and movies.
There are plenty of things that have never happened to me, but I know it's still a problem. I've never had cancer, but I know that too many people have. I want there to be a cure before I get it, because there is a high probability that I will get it at least once. And before you think, it's not the same thing, it is. It is exactly the same, and saying, it's never happened to me, whether a real reflection of your experiences or you just want to believe it has never happened to you, does not absolve you of a responsibility to be part of the solution.
"I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I like the idea of women taking care of their men." It is not ok to hide behind traditional gender roles and say that's why you won't stand up as a feminist. In fact that's the worst thing you could do! Since when did enjoying cooking or enjoying taking care of your husband and family exclude you from being a feminist. Feminists need to eat. They need to have hobbies. Feminists need a tidy house, clean clothes, happy partner, just like everyone else. Why do those things need to exclusively be traditional values? But let me say this. Just because a man or woman works, does not exclude either of them from taking care of their home or their partner. Do you both live in this residence? Do you both want your relationship to succeed? How you choose to accomplish these things is up to you, and some people are more modern some people are more traditional, and if it works for you it works. But don't for a second think that because you do the housework you are less important than the person who benefits from you doing the housework. And don't tell me that wanting to be a traditional housewife means you don't want to be an equal in your relationship. There's no one way to be a feminist.
Because that is the point of equality. You have the right to choose and everyone else acknowledges it. If you choose to be single and have no children, to get married and have no children, to have lots of children and no partner, to have multiple partners, to stay-at-home, to own your own company, to keep your name, change your name, hyphenate your name, make up a new name; regardless of your gender, you have the freedom to choose and it does not make you less than.
I can't, nor would I ever want to, say that the way Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting or any other woman is living their life is wrong. I can't, nor would i ever want to, say that they have no right to hold their own opinions. But this statement, the way it was phrased, is not ok.
*Since I started writing this, Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting has clarified her statements to say that they were meant to be empowering. She feels empowered as a woman. We all should. In spite of all these things it's a great time to be a woman and it can only get better if we work to make all women feel as good about themselves as she, apparently, does.
I'd like to say that it's ok, live and let live. But you know what? It's not ok. And NOT because people aren't entitled to their own opinions or allowed to refuse to label themselves. I find her reasons for not being a feminist unacceptable and I'd like to disagree and discuss. So, here we go.
"It's not really something I think about." It is not ok to say that it's not something you think about. What kind of life have you lead, I wonder, to never ever, not once, consider what it means to be a woman. What it means to be a working woman, a female student, a woman of a certain race, a sister, a friend to other women, a friend to men, a wife, a mother, a woman in her 20s, 30s, 70s, a mentor to other women, a mentor to men? Do you never wonder what it is to be a human being and why that isn't the same for everyone? Because that's what feminism is, plain and simple. Equality. For everyone.
It really bothers me that people wander through life with blinders. There are so many horrible, unspeakable, wonderful, amazing, incredible things that happen to human beings. How do you not notice any of it? The good and the bad? How do you not think about it?
"I was never that feminist girl demanding equality, but maybe that's because I've never really faced inequality." It is not ok to say that equality isn't something you want to see exist because you've never experienced inequality. That's fantastic, frankly. It really is, no one should have to experience inequality in any shape or form and to hear some people haven't is great. It's also incredibly hard to believe just based on statistics. Boys garner more attention from teachers in school. Women are underrepresented in Congress and at the top of corporate jobs. Do teenage boys learn that they have to strategize about where they park? Nearly 293, 000 people report sexual assault every year.
2014 was a year that saw the pay difference between men and women brilliantly exposed by Sony hackers who revealed that Jennifer Lawrence and Amy Adams were payed significantly less than their male coworkers. This is a problem that has faced women since they began working, and this is a problem that is pretty specific to Cuoco-Sweeting who works in both t.v. and movies.
There are plenty of things that have never happened to me, but I know it's still a problem. I've never had cancer, but I know that too many people have. I want there to be a cure before I get it, because there is a high probability that I will get it at least once. And before you think, it's not the same thing, it is. It is exactly the same, and saying, it's never happened to me, whether a real reflection of your experiences or you just want to believe it has never happened to you, does not absolve you of a responsibility to be part of the solution.
"I know it sounds old-fashioned, but I like the idea of women taking care of their men." It is not ok to hide behind traditional gender roles and say that's why you won't stand up as a feminist. In fact that's the worst thing you could do! Since when did enjoying cooking or enjoying taking care of your husband and family exclude you from being a feminist. Feminists need to eat. They need to have hobbies. Feminists need a tidy house, clean clothes, happy partner, just like everyone else. Why do those things need to exclusively be traditional values? But let me say this. Just because a man or woman works, does not exclude either of them from taking care of their home or their partner. Do you both live in this residence? Do you both want your relationship to succeed? How you choose to accomplish these things is up to you, and some people are more modern some people are more traditional, and if it works for you it works. But don't for a second think that because you do the housework you are less important than the person who benefits from you doing the housework. And don't tell me that wanting to be a traditional housewife means you don't want to be an equal in your relationship. There's no one way to be a feminist.
Because that is the point of equality. You have the right to choose and everyone else acknowledges it. If you choose to be single and have no children, to get married and have no children, to have lots of children and no partner, to have multiple partners, to stay-at-home, to own your own company, to keep your name, change your name, hyphenate your name, make up a new name; regardless of your gender, you have the freedom to choose and it does not make you less than.
I can't, nor would I ever want to, say that the way Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting or any other woman is living their life is wrong. I can't, nor would i ever want to, say that they have no right to hold their own opinions. But this statement, the way it was phrased, is not ok.
*Since I started writing this, Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting has clarified her statements to say that they were meant to be empowering. She feels empowered as a woman. We all should. In spite of all these things it's a great time to be a woman and it can only get better if we work to make all women feel as good about themselves as she, apparently, does.
Comments
Post a Comment