A Different Kind of Confession.
This is one of those times I was talking about! One of those times when writing two blogs means one suffers a bit. I feel like I have nothing for you, so rather than give you simply a Confession Two-fers-day or something like it, I'm going to confess something AND tell you a story.
Confession: I have weird thoughts.
Throwback Confession Tuesday! Why not right? I'm breaking all the rules today because I'm a free spirit.
So I have really weird thoughts (as you know: these ones and these), and when I think of the worst ways to die, one way immediately springs to mind. And that is, those big balls that you get in and run on water inside of. What are those called?
I could google it... I don't want to, we'll never know.
Anyway, so my fear is that once I get inside of the big plastic ball, something will go wrong, because that's what happens when you think you can walk on water. It'll collapse and then I'll suffocate because I'll be trapped inside of it, and then drown and that is one of the worst ways you could die.
My story, quite naturally, is unrelated.
When I was in kindergarten, I had half day classes and I would get on the bus in the morning and go to school, then ride the bus home in the afternoon and go to the playground. But I wasn't supposed to do that. My Mom panicked whenever I wouldn't come straight home, so she told me if I did it again I'd get grounded.
When I was 4 and in kindergarten (yes, I was 4 years old in kindergarten), I couldn't think of anything worse. So I was really determined to not dawdle the next day. To not do anything wrong, and go home straight after school and make my Mom happy.
And that was the day the Universe sent me the substitute bus driver.
Who was insane.
This crazy bitch picked up a bus full of elementary school students and as soon as she closed the doors and took off, got on the overhead system and asked, "who wants to go to Disneyland?"
And I got up (right?! Standing on a bus?!) and ran to the front (right?! Running on a bus?!) and told her I could not go to Disneyland because I would get grounded if I was late. That crazy bitch disregarded my desperate pleas and then drove the bus full of kindergarten students all around the city of Calgary for hours that afternoon.
Eventually, she drove us back to our neighborhood and dropped us off and I have a very vivd memory of all the kids laughing and having a great time and me hauling ass to get home to explain to my Mom why I was late and tell her the tale of how I was kidnapped by a bus driver.
Wouldn't you know it, she didn't believe me. And rightly so! Who would believe that?! What kind of insane person would drive a bus full of kids around the city for hours if they didn't have to? Plus I had a history. I was a trouble maker at the young age of 4. And now, apparently, a liar.
So I was grounded. Bad. Because I disobeyed AND lied.
But it was true. And my Mom, who knew me, knew that if I was caught in a lie, I would eventually stop trying to convince everyone it was true and tell the actual truth. So the next morning when I was still telling the story of the crazed bus driver and how I was convinced we never actually made it to Disneyland, she knew something had happened and called the school who confirmed that a crazy person had in fact, kidnapped a bus load of kids for a few hours that day.
So confess to us all your secrets! Tell me about all the horrible and weird ways you think you could die. AND tell me this... Do you like the random story? Should I do these in tandem with Confession Tuesday? Should I have been grounded at all, even if just for the night? It's Tuesday people. Let it out.
Confession: I have weird thoughts.
Throwback Confession Tuesday! Why not right? I'm breaking all the rules today because I'm a free spirit.
So I have really weird thoughts (as you know: these ones and these), and when I think of the worst ways to die, one way immediately springs to mind. And that is, those big balls that you get in and run on water inside of. What are those called?
I could google it... I don't want to, we'll never know.
Anyway, so my fear is that once I get inside of the big plastic ball, something will go wrong, because that's what happens when you think you can walk on water. It'll collapse and then I'll suffocate because I'll be trapped inside of it, and then drown and that is one of the worst ways you could die.
My story, quite naturally, is unrelated.
When I was in kindergarten, I had half day classes and I would get on the bus in the morning and go to school, then ride the bus home in the afternoon and go to the playground. But I wasn't supposed to do that. My Mom panicked whenever I wouldn't come straight home, so she told me if I did it again I'd get grounded.
When I was 4 and in kindergarten (yes, I was 4 years old in kindergarten), I couldn't think of anything worse. So I was really determined to not dawdle the next day. To not do anything wrong, and go home straight after school and make my Mom happy.
And that was the day the Universe sent me the substitute bus driver.
Who was insane.
This crazy bitch picked up a bus full of elementary school students and as soon as she closed the doors and took off, got on the overhead system and asked, "who wants to go to Disneyland?"
And I got up (right?! Standing on a bus?!) and ran to the front (right?! Running on a bus?!) and told her I could not go to Disneyland because I would get grounded if I was late. That crazy bitch disregarded my desperate pleas and then drove the bus full of kindergarten students all around the city of Calgary for hours that afternoon.
Eventually, she drove us back to our neighborhood and dropped us off and I have a very vivd memory of all the kids laughing and having a great time and me hauling ass to get home to explain to my Mom why I was late and tell her the tale of how I was kidnapped by a bus driver.
Wouldn't you know it, she didn't believe me. And rightly so! Who would believe that?! What kind of insane person would drive a bus full of kids around the city for hours if they didn't have to? Plus I had a history. I was a trouble maker at the young age of 4. And now, apparently, a liar.
So I was grounded. Bad. Because I disobeyed AND lied.
But it was true. And my Mom, who knew me, knew that if I was caught in a lie, I would eventually stop trying to convince everyone it was true and tell the actual truth. So the next morning when I was still telling the story of the crazed bus driver and how I was convinced we never actually made it to Disneyland, she knew something had happened and called the school who confirmed that a crazy person had in fact, kidnapped a bus load of kids for a few hours that day.
So confess to us all your secrets! Tell me about all the horrible and weird ways you think you could die. AND tell me this... Do you like the random story? Should I do these in tandem with Confession Tuesday? Should I have been grounded at all, even if just for the night? It's Tuesday people. Let it out.
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